News Taffy

As my children entered their teen years, I began to realize that the idea of the terrible twos is all wrong; it is the terrible teens. Toddlers are ridiculously easy. They are small and portable; i.e. you can pick them up and put them in their room. Toddlers usually take naps and go to bed early, giving you a much needed break. They have a limited vocabulary and their worst word is NO. Not so with teens. They are up at all hours of the night then sleep late when you need them to be alert, cheerful and functioning. They are large, sometimes larger than you so you can not physically make them go anywhere. Most of all, they have a much larger vocabulary which often includes words you don’t want to hear.

So where am I going with this? Relationships matter. The relationship you establish with your teen sets the tone for your adult relationship so it pays to work hard on having a healthy line of communication. I recently came across a series of books by Dr. Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages. His books have really resonated with our family and have given us new ideas on ways to communicate more effectively with our children and each other.

Dr. Chapman’s premise is that there are five basic love languages and we all fall into one or two categories. They include Words of affirmation, Quality time, Gifts, Acts of service and Physical touch. To show your love and communicate better, you must know and understand how the other person best responds. For example, nothing tells me that I am loved more than someone doing something for me such as cooking dinner but others may respond more positively to hearing how much they are loved. Teens are no different. Just because you wash their clothes and cook them dinner, they may not interpret those acts as loving. Your teen may need to hear how much you care or may want to be hugged and touched more often.

Both The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers and The 5 Love Languages, The Secret To Love That Lasts have personal profile tests so you can discover your primary love language. The book for teens contains guidance on teaching teens responsibility, dealing with anger, and effectively demonstrating your love. I wish we had found this book before our children entered their teens as it would have been so very useful. As for marriages, the books reveal why we often don’t feel loved when perhaps it is a matter of not showing our love in a manner the other understands. People often moan that children don’t come with instruction manuals but these books come pretty close to the emotional and psychological side of raising healthy adults. Dr. Chapman’s books have been on the best seller list and you should be able to find them at any bookstore.

-Lisa